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 “Bye grandma!” I call into the kitchen as I scramble to put my shoes on. “I’ll see you at the library later!” 

“Katy, don’t you leave just yet.” She calls from the Den. "Where are you going anyway?” 

“Jessica’s here,” I reply, making my way into the den where I find grandma with her easel set up in front of the big bay window. She’s been painting a lot lately, and she’s actually getting really good. Her current painting just looks like an amalgamation of greens, but I know she’s got a vision for it. She always tells me to “trust the process.”  

“We're going to get breakfast with Sammy.” I tell her.  

“When are you going to be at the library?” she asks me while dabbing her brush on the canvas. 

“I’ll be there at three,” I reply. “We’re going to hang out for a while.’ 

“Two-thirty, I need help with these assignments.” 

“Fine," I reply. “But you’d better have some good books for me today.” 

“I might have a couple,” She replies, I can hear the coy smile on her face. “Have fun sweety.” 

“Thanks grandma, See you later!” 

I make my way back to the door and open it to see Jessica standing there, her hand raised in mid knock.  

“Oh! Hey Katie” Jessica says smiling. “You ready? Sammy’s already waiting for us.” 

“Yea let's go!” I reply. “I’ve got to be at the library at two-thirty though.”  

“Bye Elaine!” Jessica calls through the house before I close the door. “She’s still taking those classes? Isn’t she like eighty?” 

“She’s in her seventies,” I reply defensively. “She just likes learning.”  

We make our way down the driveway and hop into Jessica’s car, a 2008 or something Toyota. I think it’s her mom’s old car, but it runs really well. It must be nice to have hand me downs from your parents.  

“Hey Jessica, how’s your mom doing?” I ask. Ever since middle school Jessica’s parents have been really close to me. They’ve taken me in and treated me like their own. I remember going to pumpkin patches for Halloween and joining them with my grandma for Christmases' and other holidays. 

“Mom’s good,” Jessica replies. “She’s really busy with work right now and I can tell it’s stressing her out quite a bit. We haven't had a dinner together in weeks.”  

“Tell her I say hi. I’d love to come to dinner again sometime. It’s been so long since I saw her.”  

Jessica smiles as she puts the car in reverse. “I know she misses you. I’ll tell her!”  

I love my grandma. She’s taken care of me like her own daughter, and I have a really great relationship with her. I just feel something a bit different with Jessica’s parents. I feel like they really are the parents I could have had. I smile at the thought of getting to see them again. Although, I do still feel a bit guilty that grandma isn’t enough for me. Because my grandma is everything to me.  

“Hey!” Jessica shouts over the wind of the moving vehicle. “Sammy wants to hear what's going on with this project of yours. Actually, I’d like to hear about it too. Last time you told me about it, it sounded like nonsense.” 

I snort, shouting back. “I told you as clearly as I could, but sure, I'll tell you again. I think it’s really going to be something big.” 

“Eh!” Jessica replies. “I still think it's a bunch of nonsense.” 

I roll my eyes and lean my head towards the open window. I love days like this. It’s so peaceful and warm. Then the wind really gets in your face, and you just feel free. It’s a really nice feeling when you’re trapped in a tiny town your whole life. Sometimes I’ll call Jessica to come over and pick me up just so I can feel free for a little while. That is, whenever she and I aren’t working, so that's not very often.  

We drive in silence the rest of the way just enjoying the fresh air and the freedom. It’s about ten minutes before we get to the little coffee shop. Right away I can see Sammy’s new Honda Accord in the parking lot. His parents own the dealership in the town over, so they were able to get a huge discount. Even though he’s not actually rich we still joke and call him a money child. He doesn’t always like it, but he pushes back at us as well. We’ve all gotten really good at pushing the right buttons, never going too far. My grandma is off limits for example, so is the fact that Jessica wasn’t exactly a planned child. We all have things we don’t like and can’t control. Honestly, we’ve all helped each other through a lot. That’s not to say we won’t poke fun at each other.  

Jessica and I jump out of the car as soon as we park. “Where do you think he is?” I ask.  

“He said he’d be by the river.” Jessica replies.  

We walk into the coffee shop, a standalone building on the edge of town. It’s got a cute homey interior with a few couches and tables inside. When you walk in there's a door out of the back that leads to a deck overlooking the small river that the town was originally built around.  

Jessica and I put in our orders inside and ask the barista if she could bring our coffees out to us. “Of course!” she replies, smiling. “It’s slow today so I’ll come find you guys.” 

“Awesome, Thanks!” Jessica replies, beaming at her. We pay, both dropping a tip into the little cup next to register and walk out the door to the deck. They really did a good job at making this place cute and cozy. String lights hang overhead, and the outside furniture all has matching cushions. Immediately I spot Sammy at one corner of the deck sitting cross-legged on a small outdoor sofa, coffee in hand reading something on his phone.  

“Sammy!” I call as we make our way across the deck. Sammy turns and smiles that great big smile of his, showing off his dimples.  

“Girl what's up?!” He calls back before setting his coffee on the table in front of him and standing to greet us. By the time he’s standing, Jessica and I make it to the couches by Sammy and he wraps me up in a great big hug. “Oh my god it’s been so long!” He says. “Also, you're so fucking late.”  

Sammy releases me from his hug and wraps Jessica in another. I take a seat in a chair which matches the little sofas, across from where Sammy was sitting.  

“I was waiting at Katy’s for like ten minutes before I finally went and knocked.” Jessica tells Sammy. 

“You weren’t even able to knock,” I object. “I opened the door before that.” 

“Still, I was outside for like ten minutes.” Jessica replies. 

“I had to say goodbye to my grandma,” I tell them. “I’m meeting her at the library at two-thirty today by the way, so I got to leave by two.” 

“Oh, how is Elaine?” Sammy asks. “I miss her, she’s always just the sweetest person.” 

“Great!” I reply. “She’s taking these online college courses which I’m helping her with today. Also, she’s gotten like scary good at painting lately.” 

“Always something new with her!” Sammy replies. “I love her for that. That woman’s going to be learning till the day she dies.”  

“Honestly, it’s amazing.” I agree. “I thought when she retired, she’d be so bored, but between the library, her classes, and all her new hobbies, she seems busier than ever.  

We sit there for a few minutes just catching up. I ask Sammy about his job, and we start to poke fun at the fact that he’s an intern with a brand-new car. After a few more minutes of catching up our coffees are brought out to us. Pretty soon our conversation turns back to my project.  

“So, what is this big project I heard about?” Sammy asks after taking a sip of his coffee.  

“Ok so you know how nothing ever happens in this town?” I ask, which gets a snort from Sammy. “Yea.” 

 “Well, it turns out that years ago there was a murder suicide that happened in my old neighborhood. I thought I’d do some research on it and maybe make a video about it.” 

“A video?” Jessica asks, “What like a documentary? Do you even know how to do that?” 

“No,” I reply. “But what else do I have to do around here. It’s so boring, I think it’d be fun to learn about something interesting that happened here.  

“Also,” Jessica continues. “Don’t you think you could be researching something a little less tragic and horrible?”  

“Come on Jess,” I plead. “What else is there in this town. Nothing of note has happened in fifty years, except this.” 

Ever since I was an early teenager, I’ve loved scary stories. Ghost stories, murders, abductions; I don't know why but they've always held a certain fascination with me. My grandma never really understood. She just thought I was acting out because of what happened to my parents. The fact that I grew up largely without them was worrying to her, and I don't know, it could have played a role.  

“Wait, how long ago did this happen?” Sammy asks.  

“I think it said about twenty years ago.” I reply.  

“Umm,” Sammy begins hesitantly. “A murder suicide happened about twenty years ago?  Didn’t something else happen about twenty years ago?” 

“Sammy,” Jessica warns.  

“What are you getting at Sam?” I ask, afraid to hear what I already know he’s talking about. This is off limits.  

“What if you find something you don’t like Katy?” Sammy says.  

A knot forms in my stomach. That can’t be what happened. Grandma told me it was a car accident.  

Abruptly I stand, “Hey guys I got to go. Jess, can you take me to the library?  

“I...I guess yea. I thought you said you didn’t need to be there till two-thirty.” Jessica replies, a bit shocked at my sudden urge to leave.  

“I know,” I tell her. “But I need to know what happened now. If this is what happened, then...” I trail off not wanting to finish the thought. “Sammy I’m so sorry, it’s great seeing you I just. Jess, we need to go!” 

I leave my coffee on the table and quickly make my way through the coffee shop. I can tell the barista is going to say something but holds back as she recognizes something’s wrong. I’m all the way to the car by the time Jess comes out of the shop. The knot in my stomach tightens and almost makes me double over. Something about all this isn’t adding up. I need to know what happened, once and for all.  

As Jessica pulls out of the parking lot, tears fight at my eyes. I won’t let myself cry. There's nothing to cry about yet. But I can’t deny that egging feeling in my gut telling me the worst is real.  

As we pull up to the library I jump out of the car, not even saying goodbye to Jessica. I need to know what happened. I sprint up the steps taking them three at a time and throw open the door to the library. The few people inside, searching for books, chatting, or reading all look my way as I disturb the peace. I briskly walk down the main aisle searching for my grandmother. She’s usually down at the end and sure enough, I see her sitting between the bookshelves at the desk with two chairs.  

“Grandma!” I hiss.  

Startled, she jumps and turns to me. “Katy? You’re early.” 

I throw myself in the seat next to her and grab my grandma's eyes.  

“Grandma.” I whisper, pleading. “Twenty years ago, there was a murder suicide that happened in my neighborhood. Please. Please tell me that it wasn’t my parents. Please tell me that what you told me about the car accident was real.” 

I sit there watching the emotions change on my grandmother’s face. Shock and confusion contort on her face before she looks somewhat scared. Finally, her face relaxes into sorrow as she realizes her baby needs answers.  

“Oh Katy,” She says sweetly, “Oh my baby girl.” 

“Grandma no.” I manage to whine before a silent sob break from my chest. “Tell me,” I plead.  

“Oh, my dear. You’re right, I lied about your parents.” She admits. “I thought the truth would be more painful.” She stops for a moment, gathering her thoughts, considering the best way to tell me. After a minute or so she seems to find her words.  

“Your mother was a damaged woman.” She tells me. “I raised your mother to be unafraid and daring, and she was. She was an incredible young girl. And then something happened when she was twelve.” Sorrow and grief invade her story. Her voice cracking as she continues.   

“Something no person, no woman should ever have to go through. Her bravery, her trust was taken away from her. I believe my daughter died that day. She was able to make it through the initial pain, but nothing was the same since. She began hurting herself and I didn’t know how to help her. One day she came home and told me she was pregnant, and that she was having the baby. She told me that baby was going to fix everything.” 

“What the fuck are you saying?” 

“Baby your mother never recovered from what happened. She was able to bury her pain for years but never overcame any of it. Eventually, she married the man who got her pregnant and they had the baby together. They had you.” Grandma pauses remembering.  

“Your mother seemed to take to you so well. She loved you with everything she had left, but when that love began to be overshadowed again by her depression...” My grandma stops. “Katy I'm so sorry.” 

“What happened grandma?” I push. “Grandma I need to know.” 

“You already know what happened baby.” She replies. “Your mother couldn’t stand living anymore. She couldn’t take being in pain so she took the things she loved from this world. She shot your father. Had planned to...” she trails of again tears streaming down her face. “But she couldn’t take the pain of losing him. She turned the gun on herself and.” 

I stare at my grandma in shocked horror. My worst fears. At least with a car accident its and accident. This is worse. This is way worse. My mom? My dad? I wasn’t even planned and then I was going to be killed?  

“Katy,” my grandma tries. “I’m so sorry baby.” 

Tears well in my eyes. Not just for my father. Not just for the fact that I was unplanned, that I shouldn’t have made it past my first birthday. Not just for the fact that the world had shattered my mother so completely that she did the most unimaginable things. But the fact that my grandmother knew about what happened. That my grandma has been lying to me my entire life.  

I can’t look at her. I can’t bear to see my beautiful grandmother. The woman who raised me, the woman who loved and cared for me my entire life when no one else was able. The woman who lied to me my entire life about the fate of my parents.  

Slowly I turn away from her, standing from the desk.  

“Katy?” 

I leave her there crying. She can sit and feel bad for what she did, for what she knew. I walk outside and sit on the steps of the library. Jessica is still sitting in her car parked on the street and hops out as soon as she sees me. As she sprints up the stairs, I can't hold anything back anymore. Tears stream from my eyes and the world blurs. I can feel Jessica sit down next to me, her shoulders touching mine.  

We sit on the steps like that for a while. Hours maybe. Jessica lays her head on my shoulder, and I just sit there, unmoving. My eyes stinging from the aftermath of my tears.  

“She lied to me” I say suddenly. Jessica’s head flinches but doesn’t move from my shoulder. “She lied to me.” I repeat.  

“She did,” Jessica replies softly. “She loves you,” She adds.  

“I know," I reply. “She loves me. I know she wanted to protect me. I know she didn’t want the world to tear me apart as it did her own baby.” I pause there and think of the whole thing. I think of the whole reason she kept it all from me. “And it won’t.” I add. “But right now, I feel pretty torn apart.” 

“I know,” Jessica whispers. “But she loves you” 

“I know,” I whisper back.